Valentin Stefanovich: "It was hard there, but it's not easy here either." A letter without an answer to Aleh Hulak

"Hello, Alezhka, hello, friend.

It's been three months since I was released. Yes, this seemingly endless season of the series called "life" has finally ended. The institutional green walls, gloomy-cold SHIZO cells, the unpleasant-hopeless clanging of locks on the "cell doors" and lonely nights under the "moon" are all in the past. I traveled a lot. They showed me almost everything: the penal colony, the covered prison, the punishment cells, and the isolation cells. I saw a lot, brother, and heard a lot. It's enough for a lifetime, but I don't want to recall it.

This season was not easy for me. But you know, I live calmly, my conscience is clear. I endured everything, everything that fell to my lot; I asked no one for anything, expected no mercy from anyone, betrayed no one, and set no one up.

In short, I trusted no one, feared no one, asked for nothing. Everything was as it should be. You know me — I'm a lover of classics.

And now, it's a different movie. It was hard there, but it's not easy here either. The main thing, you know what torments and gnaws at me, is – was all this not in vain? Did we live in vain, did we live like this in vain? There's no answer, and you won't answer me anymore. And everything else is great: the grass is green, the sun is bright, and the Polish sky above is so blue. Almost like home. Everything is wonderful, only for some reason I'm not happy. And you know, you can't step into the same river twice. That's true. The river flows, carrying itself far beyond the horizon. The river pays no attention to us, leaving further and further behind on the bank those we loved, those who are no longer with us and never will be.

I only just read your words for my 50th birthday. Back then, I couldn't read or hear them — the thick walls of Pishchalausky's gloomy castle didn't let them reach me. Thank you, friend! Now this sounds especially precious to me and so tragic.

It's sad here without you, without your witty jokes, lightness and unpunctuality, prudence and wisdom. We all miss your experience and knowledge so much now. Sometimes I catch myself thinking how much I would have wanted to tell you and how many reasons we would have had to laugh. You know, I also saw many funny and absurd things there. And, you might be surprised, but I don't drink alcohol at all. But it's not all so tragic, don't worry, I still respect and listen to rock and roll, as before. A lot of interesting things have appeared here over these five years.

I will conclude here. Don't be sad there, we'll see each other again. It's a pity that you stayed so little here with us. But that's how it is. Come on, I need to go now. To film my movie further."

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