Back in early 2024, American comedian Hope Woodard announced that she wanted to live a year without romantic relationships: no sex, kisses, dates, or even texting with guys. Since then, the American's idea has grown into a major trend.
The new movement is called "boysober" — a combination of the words "boy" and "sober." 27-year-old Woodard says that although she had a lot of sex in her life, and in all cases she consented to it, she often gave this consent because she "never really had permission to negotiate." According to the American, pausing her personal life for a year gave her a sense of ownership over her body for the first time.
But boysober is not the same as celibacy. The latter is not always a voluntary decision, and celibacy is often associated with religious reasons. Boysober is more a matter of personal choice.
Here's how Woodard explains it: "I hate celibacy so much because I don't want to buy into the idea that someone is better or more worthy of love or respect if they don't have sex. Boysober is about taking time to pause, to reflect and reprioritize, not about getting approval from men."
Woodard is not the first to be ready to live without men. Several years ago, British actress Emma Watson described her romantic status with the phrase "self-partnered." Watson said that she never believed it was possible to be happy without a partner, but when she was 29, she truly felt happy in that status.
Together with some other women, Woodard developed rules for what it means to be boysober.
First of all, you need to delete all dating apps from your smartphone – Tinder, Bumble, Pure, and all other possible apps of this kind. These apps sometimes help you find someone interesting, but at the same time, you can become addicted to them and get too caught up in creating your ideal image.
Another rule is to refuse to date other people; instead, you can go on a date with yourself, for example, to the cinema or a spa. And, however tempting it may be, do not text your ex-boyfriend, because you don't know how worthy of your attention he truly is now.
Woodard specifically advises refraining from relationships with unclear boundaries — what is called a "situationship" in English. Such relationships create conditions for misunderstanding, confusion, and ultimately, pain for those involved.
Boysober is not only about abstaining from sex; it also includes a ban on kissing and even hugging. This will not eliminate the desire for physical contact, but the creators of the trend advise waiting for such intimacy until you meet someone truly worthy.
Oliver Keens, a columnist for the British Independent, believes that the new movement is a reason for men to reflect:
"My life is filled with people who have dated or are currently dating men who don't understand emotions or are emotionally unavailable, those with dangerously little natural empathy, those who are too proud or afraid to even laugh at themselves, or who are incapable of satisfying sexual desire in a way that isn't just a simulation of porn.
If I could scream one thing right now to a generation of men in their 20s, I would suggest they reflect on why women feel they must collectively abandon you to lead stable and happy lives. Refrain from joining the backlash on misogynistic platforms and take a long, careful look in the mirror."
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